Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Where there's smoke there's ....steam?

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Monday, 9/28/2009, 2:57 p.m.
A Columbia Falls resident called to report smoke in the area of a local lumber mill. The substance turned out to be steam from the boiler at the plant.

Monday, 9/28/2009, 3:48 p.m.
A missing four-year-old in Columbia Falls was found jumping on the neighbor's trampoline.

Monday, 9/28/2009, 5:13 p.m.
Smoke in an auto dealership on Reserve Drive turned out to be a result of a malfunctioning washer.

Monday, 9/28/2009, 2:18 a.m.
A resident of Mountain View Drive heard a loud noise near her home. Authorities could not locate the source of the noise.

Leaving San Diego XL

Lee was soft-spoken, and spoke in a low tone of voice like a parent reading a bed-time story to a child, hoping sleep would come before story's end. A rolling monologue transpired throughout the ride. "If you push this button, it shows you how far you can go on this tank of gas. If you push that other button, you can look at the oil pressure. And if you push this button here, you can tell if one of the tires is low on air." At the same time, information was coming to me from the back seat on how to work the heater and air-conditioning controls. "Push that round knob on the left if you want it to get colder in here; work that other knob if you want all the air to come out the top and turn the knob on the right if you want it to blow harder. It won't get cooler, but will just blow harder." I listened to both at the same time, but not that hard. I already knew about the dash controls, but had no intentions of messing with the temperature. I was just along for the ride. Lee's rolling commentary faded in and out as the volume fluctuated. It was like listening to a Watergate recording with interruptions from a noisy air conditioner. "Yeah, you see, this road goes on down and comes out by the VFW over...(unintelligible conversation)...and their grandkids should never have been allowed to do that in the first...(unintelligible conversation)...log came through the windshield and killed them both. It was a real tragedy." I nodded in agreement. We were approaching "Dixon", a place where, according to the road sign, President Ronald Reagan once lived. This was a nice, sunny Saturday and good time for a garage sale. I spotted in front yards a pump organ, wooden wheelchair, 8-track tape player and waterbed...among tons of other valuable merchandise. I was finding the ride to be rather enjoyable...as long as I kept my brain in neutral.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Sure, blame us bears...what's wrong with the wolves?

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Friday, 9/25/2009, 11:54 a.m.
Someone stole several pillows and towels from a Eureka motel.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 6:37 p.m.
A sheet of wood obstructed highway 93.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 7:00 p.m.
Multiple individuals argued on Foothill Road.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 11:09 p.m.
What may have been a bear tipped over a garbage can on Big Mountain Road. Although the reporting party did not see the offender, the bags were split and garbage strewn about the yard.

Leaving San Diego XXXIX

Lee had driven a school bus for eight years and was indeed a careful driver. We never exceeded the posted speed limits, nor did we ever fully reach them. From time-to-time I would lean forward in my seat to catch a peek in the outside rear-view-mirror. I was curious how much of a logjam we had back there. They were usually lined up at least four-deep. But that was okay. We were operating on Lee-time. Everyone else could go on by as they pleased. Most did so in a rush. Once in a while, one would salute with a cry of exaltation. But that was okay too. Hopefully we would never lock eyes while reaching for the same package of hamburger at the local Safeway. Evidently, in Savannah, the main attraction was a 50-foot-tall concrete statue on the banks of the Rock River of an American Indian, built by the artist, "Mr. Todd" in 1910. According to the pamphlet, time was running late and the concrete pour needed to happen in mid-December. Kerosene heaters were run on the insides of the statue to help the concrete cure properly. It seemed to have worked. The Rock River was at flood stage and many picnic tables were half-submerged. Otherwise, all was peaceful on the river. As a passenger on this trip, I had time to observe all the front yards as we sojourned. But for the life of me, I could not figure the mind-set behind all the front-yard assemblages I observed. They were obviously working together on certain themes. One theme consisted of a rooster, billy goat and windmill set-up. Another was made up of concrete birdbath, plastic ducks and small sheep. Yet another was the tractor-tire-flower-bed; monkey on tricycle and puppets-with-movable-arms in a tree. Oddly enough, it happened over and over. It was as though space aliens had landed behind barns and invaded farmers' wives' brains while the farmers were out harvesting corn. I was excited to learn more.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Any toilet paper out here?

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Friday, 9/25/2009, 8:54 a.m.

Someone on Elk Park Road noticed a suspicious figure wandering around the reporting party's house. Authorities contacted the stranger who explained that he was relieving himself in the woods after eating a dinner that upset his stomach.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 9:11 a.m.
A resident of Steels Drive in Columbia Falls reported that her 26-year-old daughter slapped her across the face. This was evidently an ongoing problem.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 3:06 p.m.
A resident of Labrant Road has been receiving hate mail for several years.

Friday, 9/25/2009, 4:45 p.m.
A man called to report that property awarded to him in a divorce was being withheld by his ex-wife.

Leaving San Diego XXXVIII

At the in-laws, I rose at 1:00 p.m. once I was finished with sleep. I had my usual breakfast of toast with spun honey and cinnamon, nonfat milk and coffee. We gathered at the car for the daily "ride." We were to ride to Savannah today. The car was a new, 2009, burgundy Chevy Impala. I was informed the car came to $9,000 after rebates, which was a real buy. Earlier, it had been used as a driver's-ed training car with 1,500 miles on the odometer. As soon as I was seated in the right, front passenger seat, I was immediately aware of the "Christmas tree" air freshener suspended from the rear-view mirror. The burgundy tree was labeled, "Spice." I suspected it was some sort of spice intended to disguise the stench of dead bodies after a nuclear holocaust. I was thankful for the miracle of "adaptation" where nasal neurons would soon stop firing after prolonged exposure to an offensive odor. Please stop firing. Once we were all buckled up, Lee carefully maneuvered the shift selector through each gear setting with the precision of a brain surgeon pointing out landmarks on a scalp before cutting...Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive. With careful and deliberate intent, we were on our way. I was not sure how far we planned to go. Lee mentioned he wanted to "fill 'er up" before hitting the open road. I leaned over and noticed the fuel gauge was already at the three-quarter-full mark. The electronic fuel calculator indicated a fuel range of 458 miles. Would we be crossing state lines today?

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Come to Montana. We have an ex-husband removal service.

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Thursday, 9/24/2009, 7:40 a.m.
Someone on Cottonwood Drive reported seeing a man in black clothing run away from a nearby residence.

Thursday, 9/24/2009, 3:41 p.m.
A driver on Highway 93 became irate when another motorist was moving too slowly in the left lane.

Thursday, 9/24/2009, 4:34 p.m.
A resident of Karrow Drive in Whitefish requested assistance in removing her ex-husband from her home.

Thursday, 9/24/2009, 9:12 p.m.
A cow bellowed continually for four hours in Bigfork. The caller evidently found this suspicious.

Leaving San Diego XXXVII

On the wall above my bed hung a 40"x20" photo of a woodsy scene titled, "Summer's End." The frame was made of ornate plaster with gold and black paint. On the next wall hung a 16"x20" scene of a teddy bear and doll in a toy shop...all woven with colored yarn. This whole room was painted a light shade of pink. Over the desk hung a calendar with a photo of a blue, 1970 Pontiac GTO; old photos of grand kids, and newspaper clippings celebrating the grand opening of the new city incinerator on April 5th and lighting of the Mendota "burn pit." Next was tacked a notice of "free" membership to AARP. Then there were four, 10"x30" knitted yarn scenes of country meadows with wooden frames. Above a dark brown wooden chest hung an old 10"x16" baby photo in a frame that had the oval bubble glass. On each side of that photo hung a framed letter from a past wife with photo. High on a shelf in the pink room sat 27 teddy bears of various sizes. Below that hung two store-bought woods scenes in cheap, golden frames. A wire "thread rack" was suspended between the frames, holding 12 spools of colored thread. Below those sat the sewing machine. I could tell this room had sat exactly this way for many years. Everything was in its place and not allowed to move. Except for the sewing machine, that is. I pulled it out to plug my laptop into an outlet on the pink wall. There was great concern I would forget to move the sewing machine back and no one around with enough strength for the task. I scooted it over with one foot before we left.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

See what animals must do to join a gang?

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Wednesday, 9/23/2009, 9:04 a.m.
A loose Chihuahua was seen dodging cars on Woodland Drive.

Wednesday, 9/23/2009, 10:33 a.m.
Fish and Game contained a muskrat running wild on the Justice Center lawn.

Wednesday, 9/23/2009, 12:28 p.m.
A resident of Lore Lake road called to report a neighbor's dog came onto his property and killed the reporting party's dog. The neighbor received a citation.

Wednesday, 9/23/2009, 8:38 p.m.
A vehicle collided with a bear in Somers. The bear was not killed and quickly fled the scene.

Leaving San Diego XXXVI

My wife's mom and step-dad were sitting in their padded chairs when we arrived in Mendota, Ill. They took good care of us while there. We all decided to go to I-hop for dinner. I ordered the turkey cheeseburger with onion rings and Diet Coke, followed by coffee with creamer. My meal mistakenly came with "french fries" instead of onion rings. I did not notice. But my observant mother-in-law did notice and notified the waitress. So I had free fries with my meal. The onion rings came later. It rained hard as we ate, but let up enough so we could stay dry while getting to the car. I drove, but was careful to stay below all speed limits and came to a complete stop at all stop signs. That is important for older folks....(older than me). Their house reminded me of the Three Bears cottage....just the right size for them. I was placed in the lone spare bedroom with double bed. My wife slept on the couch. There were long discussions about medicines. The channel nine news was the evening focus on TV, shortly before bedtime...at 9:30 p.m. The volume was turned up extremely loud. I was in another world that I might find myself in some day. I was wondering what there would be to do? We were to take a "drive" tomorrow. I was about to discover the secret world of old folks who still carried valid driver's licenses.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Okay, who electrocuted the cat?

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Monday, 9/21/2009, 12:41 a.m.
Someone noticed a man in a brown jacket pushing a stroller down highway 93. Authorities attempted to perform a welfare check but could not locate him.

Monday, 9/21/2009, 11:22 a.m.
After a night of partying at a local bar, a man was driven home in his own truck by another individual. The driver then apparently wrecked the vehicle and stole the reporting party's motorbike from the back of the truck.

Monday, 9/21/2009, 12:24 p.m.
Neighbors quarreled over a dog issue at a local trailer park.

Monday, 9/21/2009, 5:26 p.m.
A cat died of suspicious injuries at a local veterinary clinic. The creature reportedly suffered from neurological problems.

Leaving San Diego XXXV

It was very hot and muggy in Schaumburg, a western suburb of Chicago. Becky told us to make ourselves at home. Our plan was to stay overnight, then drive to my wife's parents house in Mendota, Ill. But there were thunderstorms with tornado warnings. We decided to wait until the storm had passed through. I stood on the porch with my camera poised, hoping to catch a thunderbolt hitting nearby. The odds were remote, but you never know? I noticed the gutters were plugged with water gushing over the tops. One gutter had baby maple trees growing in the top. I saw a job I could do. No one wants to clean gutters. I like to see the water gushing out the pipe...as it should. I wanted a cup of coffee, but could not find the filters. So I tore a paper towel until it fit the coffee grounds basket. The coffee took longer to drip, but it worked. When searching the kitchen cabinets for the filters, I noticed two shelves that were about to collapse...something else for me to do. I removed the plates and bowls from that shelf and installed the shelf supports the way nature intended. I like fixing these little things in someone's house when visiting. We searched the computer room for the tortoise. I couldn't believe it had managed to get inside the closet and behind some shoes. Watching the tortoise move was painful for me. Everything was in slow motion. I hoped I would not step on it when going to the bathroom in the night...another experience in slow motion.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

What's that Rex?...Two robbers behind the maple tree?

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Friday, 9/18/2009, 2:05 p.m.
Gunshots rang out in the Happy Valley area, along with the sounds of angry yelling and screaming. Authorities responded but could not locate the source of the noise.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 8:31 p.m.
A patron of a local bar pulled a gun on the bartender when he was asked to leave, and was escorted to his car. Deputies found the man at his residence and escorted him to jail.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 10:16 p.m.
A sixteen-year-old girl was seen hitchhiking along Highway 2.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 11:59 p.m.
Someone on Sharon Road called to report that the family dog was barking and evidently only barked when strangers were about. Authorities investigated and found no intruders on the property.

Leaving San Diego XXXIV

We switched planes in Salt Lake City. Once inside the terminal, we walked 30 feet and directly onto our next plane which was boarding just then. My air travel had never gone so well. On the ground at O'Hare, we had made arrangements for a cab. On the way to my wife's sister's house, my wife learned that our driver was from Pakistan, had two daughters (14 and 8) and had family still back in Pakistan. My wife's sister and her husband were on vacation but had given us the keypad code to open the garage door. My instructions were to push each button firmly and slowly. And if it didn't work the first time to keep trying. I don't know what sort of problems it sometimes caused, but it worked for me on the first try. I think the code had something to do with the kids' birthdays? We met their next-door-neighbor who was out front mowing his lawn. Our only instructions were to not step on the tortoise in the family room. Tortoise? They definitely said tortoise and not turtle.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Come to Montana and discover your secret admirer.

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Friday, 9/18/2009, 9:01 a.m.
A woman sitting in her car at an Evergreen school was emotionally shaken when a female subject struck the window with her hand. No damage was done to the vehicle.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 5:28 p.m.
Reports of a neglected horse on Batavia Lane proved unfounded when the responding officer arrived to find the horse eating hay.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 9:27 p.m.
A mother caught her 14-year-old daughter sniffing gas, after which the girl began to behave erratically.

Friday, 9/18/2009, 9:54 p.m.
A customer at an Evergreen supermarket received a note that read, "I saw you last night. I really enjoy watching you."

Leaving San Diego XXXIII

My wife was seated two rows in front of me on the plane. Evidently, there was a problem. In front of me was seated a mother and new baby, but the mother had the flu and the gentleman next to her wanted a new seat. My wife turned around and quickly offered her seat so she could help the poor gal with the baby. The mother was ecstatic over the offer. My wife learned the mother's name was Wendy S. and had several children, all of whom were adopted. She had just picked up this new infant and was on her way home. Her original flight had been canceled due to mechanical problems, and now she had come down with the flu. At least we were in first class. My wife had fun playing with the baby. I noticed the mother was able to sleep. Wendy has since kept in touch with my wife and considers my wife to be her guardian angel. As for me, I was tired and just slept.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

The Moose's name was Harry. He leaves behind a wife and no children.

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Thursday, 9/17/2009, 11:19 a.m.
A woman in Martin City became worried when she had not heard from her husband in quite some time. Authorities contacted the individual, who was perfectly fine.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 3:46 p.m.
A vehicle hit a moose on Highway 2 near Glacier Park. No individuals were hurt in the crash.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 6:04 p.m.
A woman in Bigfork was frightened when an unfamiliar man called her on the telephone. The strange caller evidently knew her first name.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 8:59 p.m.
A resident of Woodland Drive arrived home to find a strange white van parked in their yard. It was later found that the van had simply broken down at that location.

Leaving San Diego XXXII

I had made arrangements for a wake-up call, so we were up on time. A hotel shuttle-van took us across Harbor Drive to the airport. When going through security, they pulled my bag and asked permission to look inside. I was not worried and had nothing to hide. But then he pulled my favorite pocketknife from the left, front pocket of my jeans! I had no idea I had missed that. This was the second time I had done this and was ready to kick myself. I reluctantly gave it up. If Lewis and Clark had to go through all this sort of grief, they would have given up back in Hill Valley, Ohio. We decided to use our free food vouchers for breakfast there in the airport. We had three vouchers for breakfast, at $7.00 each. A Burger King was available inside the terminal. We ordered the Big Breakfast and Deluxe Breakfast with coffee, which came to $8.43. We did not want to lose any of our free food-money, so we also ordered food for lunch. I wanted the turkey club sandwich, while my wife ordered the fruit cup. All of that came to $14.13. That took care of the vouchers, with $1.56 out-of-pocket...just right. Once again, my wife had worked it out perfectly. The food was over-priced, but when free, who cares?

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Calling all units: Officer stuck in door.

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Thursday, 9/17/2009, 4:14 a.m.
A resident on Martin City called to report that a man was sleeping in her attic. Authorities arrived to find the attic empty.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 12:38 p.m.
Someone heard children screaming in an apartment on East Idaho Street. Although a mother and her children were indeed yelling at one another, the argument was verbal only and all was well.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 2:06 p.m.
Reports of a "man down" in Whitefish turned out to be a case of a simple leg cramp.

Thursday, 9/17/2009, 2:42 p.m.
An officer shut her finger in a door at the Flathead County Detention Center.

Leaving San Diego XXXI

While being transported to the Kona Kai Hotel, we went past one of our favorite haunts...Boll Weevil's restaurant. We decided to walk...only 1.5 miles. The walk by the bay was nice. I had my usual mushroom burger basket with onion rings. She had a regular hamburger. After returning to the hotel, I discovered I had left my sunglasses at the restaurant. I was willing to give them up since I did not want to walk all the way back. My wife hated the thought of losing the sunglasses, even if they were not her own. She offered to arrange for a hotel shuttle and look for the glasses if I would rub her feet. She wanted to do it, so I agreed. And she did indeed return with my sunglasses. I had her lay on the bed as I rubbed those narrow, size 8 feet with the high arches. I knew them well. Her whole body seemed to relax as I began squeezing. I knew to be careful around the big toes. Those joints were always sore, as were her thumbs. I never could figure the connection, and tried to not dwell on it too much. While rubbing feet, I daydreamed I was flying a jet fighter, pulling back on the stick to avoid a high mountain. She yelled in pain when I forgot and pulled on her left big toe, narrowly missing a jagged mountain peak. I moved to the heel as I limped my damaged aircraft back to the airstrip.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Not much happened today...just some spilled gravel.

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Wednesday, 9/16/2009, 9:21 a.m.
A resident of Eckelberry Drive believed to have seen someone with a flashlight in a neighbor's house. There was in fact no one in the residence.

Wednesday, 9/16/2009, 12:45 p.m.
Someone found it suspicious that an unfamiliar car was parked outside their Martin City residence. The vehicle was gone when authorities arrived.

Wednesday, 9/16/2009, 1:21 p.m.
Gravel fell from a dump truck while traveling westbound along Highway 2 in Evergreen.

Wednesday, 9/16/2009, 3:49 p.m.
A resident of Browns Meadow Road started to worry when her 75-year-old grandmother was gone shopping for an unusual amount of time. The reporting party later called back to report she had returned home safe and sound.

Leaving San Diego XXX

We fly to Chicago O'Hare today. I am always nervous on the day of a flight. They don't hold jets back just because I couldn't decide which shirt to wear today. We rose early to get checked out of Horizon Hotel...our last hotel-home. Hotels are fun, but I get tired of all the moving...and spending money. Our renters offered to let us leave our car in the garage while gone to the Midwest for two weeks. That was nice of them. I dropped my wife off at the airport with plenty of time to spare. I then took the car to the house. I collected our latest mail and began hoofing my way back to the airport. Any more, I always run or walk to the airport...only three miles. A cab would easily eat up twenty dollars with fare and tip. I will accept part of the blame for the mess our economy is in since I am not helping it any. But hey, money is money. I connected with my wife in the airport lobby as planned. Once through security, we learned our flight might be full. We were not in any hurry, so my wife volunteered us for a bump. Sure enough, the flight was indeed overbooked. We were offered a night's stay at Kona Kia Hotel, free flight vouchers for the future and first-class seats on tomorrow's flight. I had gone to great lengths to get here early, but I could settle for this. I guess we stay here one more day.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Mother-in-law turn her nose up? See how family squabbles are handled in Montana.

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Monday, 9/14/2009, 5:20 a.m.
Boulders were strewn about on Harmony Road.

Monday, 9/14/2009, 12:14 p.m.
Someone called to report the wires had been cut on the family computer. Come to find out, the parents had done the damage in order to revoke a 15-year-old son's computer privileges.

Monday, 9/14/2009, 2:47 p.m.
A suspected counterfeit $50 bill turned out to be real currency.

Monday, 9/14/2009, 4:04 p.m.
A resident of Wendt Way called to report that her neighbor, who is also her mother-in-law, tried to run her off the road.

Leaving San Diego XXIX

We rose at 7:00 a.m. at Horizon Hotel and searched for the complimentary breakfast room. I could not find it, but my wife seemed to know instinctively...a red door with the words, "breakfast room!" Had I been by myself, I would most likely have starved. The food was good. I had a toasted bagel with grape jelly, orange juice, milk and coffee. We sat and discussed our plans for our final day in San Diego before flying to Chicago and Michigan to visit with family. My coffee was so bad I poured it out...tasted like old Maxwell House instant I used to keep in the cupboard over the oven. Our red, plastic patio table rocked badly, until I reached down and turned the leveling adjuster. I once learned that I didn't have to accept things as they were, that I could change things. Some people never do get that one. Back in our room, I tried making coffee using the room-coffee. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not rip apart the kevlar coffee bag. Out of frustration, I grabbed my silver, Cross ball point pen and violently stabbed the thing. And it worked! Maybe I was the last to learn this trick, but stabbing it with a pen was the thing to do. And the coffee was actually pretty good. I was surprised. We were almost at the end of our two week adventure before leaving San Diego.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Welcome to Montana, where pickup trucks are used for dating....and cage fights.

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Friday, 9/11/2009, 8:43 a.m.
A transient individual was found sleeping in the ditch behind a Lakeside hardware store. The drowsy individual was woken and encouraged to move along.

Friday, 9/11/2009, 11:07 a.m.
A resident of Stoner Creek Road claimed that a neighbor "got in his face" and accused him of spreading rumors. Both parties were duly counseled.

Friday, 9/11/2009, 7:06 p.m.
A female subject in a pickup truck near McWinnegar Slough was observed violently kicking inside the vehicle. It is unknown whether anyone else was with her in the truck.

Friday, 9/11/2009, 11:55 p.m.
A resident of East Oregon Street looked out her bedroom window and saw three male subjects on the railroad tracks.

Leaving San Diego XXVIII

After church and lunch, we headed for our next stay at Horizon Hotel. On a Friar's road street corner, I saw a homeless guy who seemed to be new at this. He wore a hooded sweatshirt with the top pulled over his head in an apparent attempt to not be recognized. He held a cardboard sign that read, "So broke it hurts", which I thought was pretty lame. The pros usually said something about not wanting to lie and needing a beer, and always ending with, "God bless." I had already removed the stuff I wanted from my choral gift bag, so I pulled over and yelled to the guy. He came running, and seemed genuinely happy for the bag. I took off before he had time to get a good look at the contents. The only non-smoking room available at Horizon Hotel was a handicapped room. The only real difference from a regular room was no tub. The bathroom and shower stall were all on the same level so a handicapped person could roll their chair into the shower stall and do their thing. The only problem for us was the water that would run across the bathroom floor. But this was much nicer than camping. I rolled up a towel and made a dam to keep the gray water in check.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Welcome to Montana. But if you speak a foreign language, don't write things down. We don't like it.

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Friday, 9-11-2009, 12:03 p.m.
A woman in Lakeside claimed she was standing by her fence when a driver skidded by and made verbal threats to her well-being.

Friday, 9-11-2009, 2:01 p.m.
Someone on Smokey Bear Lane encountered an individual in a vehicle who spoke a foreign language and was writing things down. The individual sped off when the reporting party approached.

Friday, 9-11-2009, 3:34 p.m.
A vehicle was seen to be trailing bits of trash as it drove down highway 35. The offending vehicle was stopped and the load secured.

Friday, 9-11-2009, 6:42 p.m.
Someone on Wagner Lane heard screams and a gunshot at a nearby residence. It was later discovered that the shot was fired to scare a dog who had killed the neighbor's kitten. The dog had bitten a child on a previous occasion and was taken to the shelter.

Leaving San Diego XXVII

The Blood Mobile was in the church parking lot this morning. I guess a church was the right place to find people willing to help others. I suspect my tenor-friend, Mark T. rushed back a bit too quickly after donating his pint. While in the middle of "How Great A Foundation", his eyes rolled back into his head and he was down for the count. I hope the congregation was not overly frightened with the sight of Don H. hoisting M's legs to his chest for improved blood circulation. I wondered if our departure was causing a disturbance in the space-time continuum? In the library, I learned more valuable, useless information. In Kansas, did you know it was against the law to fish with your bare hands? I suspected the governor's brother-in-law owned a chain of sporting goods stores that sold fishing poles. It was time for lunch...at Burger King this time. We had coupons and purchased two Whoppers for the price of one. My wife only wanted half of hers, so of course, I ate the remainder. I think I ate enough. Or did I have too much? Lets see....one whopper with fries tips the scales at 1,720 calories. Yeah, it was too much. I had some running to do and hoped my Sauconys were not buried too deeply in the trunk.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 4:52 p.m.
Someone shot a propane tank on Hoffman Drive.

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 7:57 p.m.
A vehicle collided with a building on highway 35 in Kalispell. Evergreen Ambulance responded.

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 8:04 p.m.
An employee at a Columbia Falls store felt that a customer may have been "casing the place."

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 12:18 a.m.
A deceased black bear blocked a road in Lakeside.

Leaving San Diego XXVI

We left the tent in time for breakfast at McDonald's before church. I had my customary Big Mac meal, but with milk instead of a soft drink. The coffee was good, as has been the case at McDonald's lately. Most of our church-friends knew this would be our last Sunday before leaving for Montana. We had many to say our goodbye's to. My choir friends surprised me with a couple of goody-bags filled with treats to take on our trip (thanks, Julie M.). I saw trail mix, bananas, beef jerky, Gatorade, breakfast bars, soy bars, apples, raisins and several beverage containers imprinted with a language I did not recognize. I suspected a few pantries had been cleared. I am certain my friend, Tim F. cleared several shelves. But this was what best friends did. I hated to leave all my friends, but this was the thing to do just now. We returned to break camp. I rolled the tent as tightly as I could since we were the first to use it. I sat on it as I rolled, pretending I was rolling my bicycle tire over a black, citrus beetle on a sidewalk. We wanted to return it to my wife's co-teacher, Peggy F. the same way she had given it to us. We had no more use for the brown and orange mattress or coffee-stained couch cushions. They would go into the camp dumpster on our way out. It was time to hit the library. I located my favorite book once more on useless information. Some day I must buy this book:

"Mr. Coronado, the first European explorer to venture through the Midwest, was so disappointed with the area of what is now Wichita, Kansas that he had his guide strangled." I've been through Wichita and I don't blame him. We will stay here (and read) until time to check in to our next hotel.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 12:06 p.m.
A patron of the Olney post office reportedly found a book of matches, all of which were lit at the time of the report.

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 4:20 p.m.
Someone on Creekside Drive reported that a neighbor habitually sprayed her children with a garden hose as they rode their bikes down the street.

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 5:06 p.m.
A cow stuck in a fence on Creekside Drive extricated itself without assistance.

Thursday, 9/10/2009, 5:27 p.m.
A resident of Harmony Road became suspicious when a lady came to the door bearing foreclosure information. The woman and her information turned out to be completely legitimate.

Leaving San Diego XXV

Back home (tent), it was time to head out to what would be my last night in the hospital ER. My replacement, Donja, was a fast learner and doing a great job. I had been showing her everything I knew. The lone trauma for the night had a severe wound to the top of his left arm. The burly Mexican gentleman had a neat, 10-inch oval of skin torn from that arm. It looked like someone had rolled a car tire on top of his arm and peeled-out. It was bad, with tendons and muscles all exposed. He would require immediate surgery. As usual, the police were there. The patient answered all the questions properly, except for how the accident had happened. He said he did not remember. I walked the corridors one last time, making sure each patient's needs were being met. Donja then presented me with a neat surprise. She had secretly circulated a card to all the doctors and nurses. They all had signed their names and made nice comments to me concerning my work over the past ten years. That was really nice of her. Before meeting her, I was concerned about the quality of my replacement? My worries were unfounded. Donja was a class act.

Back at the tent, I crawled in for the final time...getting the nylon material stuck in the zipper only once.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Wednesday, 9/9/2009, 7:24 a.m.
Residents of Ridgewood Drive were alarmed to hear what seemed to be shouting and gunshots in the area. Authorities arrived to find that a man at the residence was not harming others but rather had lost his temper while fixing the dryer.

Wednesday, 9/9/2009, 9:47 a.m.
What was thought to be a theft of a vehicle turned out to be a case of civil repossession at the Kalispell airport.

Wednesday, 9/9/2009, 12:05 p.m.
A horse was repossessed on Seville Lane in Coram.

Wednesday, 9/9/2009, 3:42 p.m.
Two sisters, age 14 and 25, argued on Willow Glen Drive.

Leaving San Diego XXIV

It was Saturday morning and I had slept well in the tent after rising only once for the restroom...which was still a huge pain. It was 11:00 a.m. with the sun beating down on the side of the tent making things quite uncomfortable. My wife prepared sandwiches on the back seat of the Buick. Still in the tent, I felt like a lion in the San Diego Zoo as she tossed to me a roast beef sandwich with Miracle Whip, onion and salt (in sandwich bag). I growled and chomped into my lunch...like any good lion. We left camp for an afternoon at the library where we read educational material. I continued to be fascinated with the book of useless information.

"The cells lining the small colon were replaced daily."

I figured that was a good thing after a trip down one of the aisles at Costco...German sausage with Tabasco sauce; catfish with pretzels; sweet potato on lettuce and beets on a stick. My wife said she had not slept well, with bad dreams. The car was wrecked, as was my bike on its carrier mounted on the back of the car (which it is). One of her students was swinging the bike chain in a dangerous fashion. I was not sure what to make of it, but none of it sounded good for me. Maybe it was time to give Costco a break?

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Tuesday, 9/8/2009, 2:08 a.m.
A 14-year-old girl became frightened when the family dogs looked out the window and began to growl. No intruders were found on the scene.

Tuesday, 9/8/2009, 10:09 a.m.
A black calf ran amok in Creston.

Tuesday, 9/8/2009, 11:39 a.m.
Someone claimed to have found an open suitcase full of old clothes on Hubbard Dam road. The supposed unclaimed luggage turned out to be a pile of trash.

Tuesday, 9/8/2009, 2:00 p.m.
A mama bear and her two cubs exhibited normal bear behavior near the mailboxes on Lone Pine Road.

Leaving San Diego XXIII

This was Friday, and we would be camping again tonight. I still do not see what is so attractive about camping...with the mud and mosquitoes? Someone usually had loud music playing somewhere. Once settled into our tent, I had my corn chips, but had forgotten the cheese dip...which was in the cooler on the back seat of the car. Getting back up was such a huge hassle...getting my shoes on; finding the car keys and unzipping the tent without getting tent material caught in the zipper. My wife said she would get the dip if I rubbed her feet in return. I figured I could do that. After eating my fill of chips and dip, I reclined and rubbed feet that were near my head. I daydreamed of crawling underneath barbed wire through enemy lines with bullets zipping overhead. I suddenly passed gas. I hoped my wife would not notice. Unfortunately, it was very bad. She let out a loud groan. I reminded her of the clause in our marriage contract...the, "for better or worse" part. She said she had not signed up for this. I insisted I was within my rights. I am reminded of a story from her sister, Becky T. She was working with first-graders on their first day of school. At noon, one boy began pulling on his jacket to go home. She stopped him and reminded him he was no longer in pre-school, but was now in first grade where he would be spending all day at school. He responded, "Who the h___ signed me up for this?"

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Friday, 9/4/2009, 8:26 a.m.
An inmate at the Flathead County Juvenile Detention Center scratched his initials into a tabletop, along with the initials of a female friend.

Friday, 9/4/2009, 4:40 p.m.
Someone on Helena Flats Road reported that an unfamiliar individual was sitting in his car at approximately 7:15 a.m. The suspicious individual was actually a surveyor performing his duties.

Friday, 9/4/2009, 5:55 p.m.
An individual babysitting a 15-month-old child called to report their ward had wandered off and could not be found. The child's parents found the child wandering down Jellison Road.

Friday, 9/4/2009, 6:22 p.m.
A 14-year-old subject threatened to run away from her Pheasant Drive home.

Leaving San Diego XXII

We needed to be out of the hotel by noon, so we broke camp once more. I drove my wife to work and returned. After emptying our room, I went to the very back and pretended I was a policeman, clearing the bad guys from a building. After checking every square inch of the bathroom for razors, toothbrushes and jewelry, I yelled out, "Clear!" I went through this same procedure at each stop. I caught a half-carton of blueberries trying to make its escape by blending in with a fold of the gold and yellow flowered bedspread. He was not going to get by me that easily. Once cleared from the room, I headed for the beach below the PLNU campus. I wanted to photograph one more earthquake fault down there. I noticed a fresh landslide from the cliff face. On my way out, I stopped at Peete's Coffee shop for coffee and roll. I ran into an old friend, Leon K. We shared our lives and all the kids had been up to. It was good to see an old friend before leaving what had been home for many years. I was struck by how time affects us all...just like the cliffs down on the beach.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Friday, 9/4/2009, 10:23 a.m.
A single horse in a Black Tallpine Ridge pasture appeared to be unusually thin and walked with a limp. Authorities will be investigating the claim.

Friday, 9/4/2009, 11:26 a.m.
Someone on Hodgson road has been receiving numerous threatening phone calls from an unknown individual. The caller does not speak, but a revving engine can be heard in the background.

Friday, 9/4/2009, 4:48 p.m.
A three-year-old child was seen wandering aimlessly down highway 93. Although the father was nearby, he was clearly not attending to the child's safety.

Leaving San Diego XXI

Back at our home for the moment, we showered and got comfortable. This was an extended-stay hotel, but we were only staying for one night. Our room was equipped with microwave, stove, pots and pans and dinnerware. I thought it was all very nice for a rating of only two stars. I gave it a "2.9." While reclining on the bed, my wife noticed I had some unsightly hairs protruding from my nostrils. I did not want to search for scissors in the suitcase and began yanking them out with my fingernails. My eyes started to water and I began sneezing...but I was getting them. For some odd reason, this sight seemed to bother my wife, who offered to find the scissors for me. She eventually found them in the bottom of the red suitcase. I held very still as she trimmed the offending hairs. I guess this was the best part of marriage...having a monitor to make sure I was suitable for the general public (although I thought I was doing an okay job). After her shower, I dried her hair, as I have done for many years. She was beautiful once again. As for me, adequate, I guess. She trims hairs from my nose while I dry the ones on top of her head...a match made in heaven.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blogger

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 9:21 a.m.
A female subject approached a home on Sunrise Door and offered to clean the resident's carpet. The individual also offered gifts to the reporting party.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 4:56 p.m.
Someone spotted a dog in an enclosed vehicle at an Evergreen box store. Authorities investigated and discovered the dog actually did have access to air.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 5:55 p.m.
Someone on Gray Lane claimed they were harassed by their 12-year-old neighbor. The youth apparently did not appreciate it when the reporting party's dog ran wild.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 10:13 p.m.
A quarrel between a man and a woman dissolved into violence when the male party threw a rock through the woman's window. She then left the premises, after which the man threw two more rocks. Authorities found the male subject lying in the weeds near by.

Leaving San Diego XX

At Tecolote Park, I played ping-pong and pool with my wife's special-ed students. They really wore me out with chasing ping-pong balls...and billiard balls. I placed my bike on our bike carrier and rode back to the classroom with them. My wife needed to pick up her reading glasses from being repaired in Chula Vista. And whenever we go there, we must always eat dinner at the BBQ Pit, just around the corner. We love their BBQ. The BBQ Pit reminded me of the earthquake faults I had just photographed. The main dining section looked like it had been sitting there for at least 50,000,000 years. I thought I detected signs of remodeling, so maybe the remainder was only 50,000 years old? The silverware was primitive...thin forks with tines bent in many directions like spiked hair on a windy day. The old Black gentleman with white apron, carving the beef, looked like he might have just emerged from a cave out back. But the food was great once again. I had the BBQ beef dinner with baked beans, mashed potatoes and cole slaw, followed by a piece of pecan pie, with Diet Pepsi to drink. I cannot imagine what dinosaur meat might taste like, but I was pretty sure I was eating cow.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 3:50 p.m.
Three intoxicated men sat on a bench near a Lakeside grocery store. Two of them were identical twins, the other an older brother.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 6:48 p.m.
A blonde individual, noted in an earlier report, apparently became belligerent and mooned a woman just inside the boundary of Glacier Park. The man then proceeded to yell and toss bottles into the river.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 10:30 p.m.
An anonymous caller claimed that a chimpanzee beat him up and injured his dog at a Lakeside grocery store. The reporting party adamantly refused to disclose his name and no such monkey could be located.

Thursday, 9/3/2009, 8:36 p.m.
Three men loitered outside a Lakeside casino, urinated on the building and refused to leave. Two of the men were identical twins, the other an older brother.

Leaving San Diego XIX

It was a nice four nights at the PLNU Alumni House, but our reservation was up. I tried to keep the mattress and two brown couch cushions out of sight when loading the car, but we still looked like the Beverly Hillbillies on vacation. With my interest in earthquakes, I wanted to photograph a fault behind the dumpster at the entrance to the maintenance building. I had passed it a zillion times, but wanted to photograph it this time. The fault is non-active (they think). I also photographed a larger one down on the beach. The earth has many faults, which make it a more interesting place to live...for some odd reason. I also photographed a portion of the Rose Canyon fault in Tecolote Park. My geology book said the fault was just behind left-center field at the upper baseball diamond. I rode my bike to meet with my wife and her students. They sometimes ate their lunches there. A 20"x30", white sign was erected to mark the fault. The ground on the left side of the fault was 50 million years old, while the dirt on the right side was only 500 thousand years old. These two patches of dirt had been sliding past one another for millions of years, and I was straddling them with one foot on each. I was deeply moved. I stood poised, with camera to my eye for ten whole minutes...just in case something was about to let go just then. I even jumped up and down a couple of times. Louis Pasteur once said, "Chance favors the mind that is prepared." I am convinced it will happen. I will just have to work on my timing.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Wednesday, 9/2/2009, 8:55 a.m.
Someone at an Olney campground was displeased to find a bullet hole in his vehicle.

Wednesday, 9/2/2009, 2:13 p.m.
A man was seen standing on a bridge in Columbia Falls with his britches down. Authorities responded and encouraged him to pull them back up.

Wednesday, 9/2/2009, 5:28 p.m.
Someone on Mennonite Church Road called in to report that a neighbor was filling in a ditch in order to construct a driveway. This evidently altered the natural flow of water in the ditch.

Wednesday, 9/2/2009, 9:58 p.m.
Someone found it suspicious that an individual was looking at RV's in the lot of a local RV dealership.

Leaving San Diego XVIII

Our PLNU, Alumni House room was furnished with an eight-foot-wide dresser with drawers, and huge matching mirror above. On the left side, long, green plastic ivy was growing out of a blue-and-white porcelain vase. Two dark, wooden bedside tables were arranged around the room, all with thick glass slabs for protection. One supported a thirteen-inch, color TV. I sat here at night, watching real-life ER and the weather channel. Our ceiling was slanted towards the odd-shaped door on my side of the bed. The door looked like it was made for Dwarfs, with the lower portion shortened to fit the small-ish opening. The top half looked normal, but something had happened to this doors legs. We had slept here for two nights and I had hit my head on this lowered portion of ceiling at least five times. I just didn't see it. This must have been the life Gulliver lived in the land of the little people. We had one more week of living in limbo before visiting relatives in Illinois and Indiana. Every day was different, with no place to really call home. I read in my Bible that Abraham travelled like this. Eventually, we plan to make it to Montana...the suggested land. God did not promise the land to me...it was just a suggestion.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Tuesday, 9/1/2009, 10:19 a.m.
A "foreign" female subject sat suspiciously in her car in Hungry Horse, arousing the suspicions of a passing pedestrian. Although the reporting party could hardly understand her speech, it was eventually discovered the lady was merely eating her lunch.

Tuesday, 9-1-2009, 1:19 p.m.
A man brought his truck into a local auto repair shop, claiming that the last mechanic he visited had charged exorbitant fees. The man then went on to indicate that he had caused his previous mechanic grievous bodily harm. Authorities are investigating the credibility of his claim.

Tuesday, 9-1-2009, 2:20 p.m.
Someone called to report that a man on a bicycle repeatedly pulled out in front of cars near Echo Lake. The reporting party stated that the bicyclist must have "had a death wish."

Leaving San Diego XVII

This was our second night in the Alumni House on the campus of Point Loma Nazarene University. I finally graduated from here in 2003 with our daughter, so I qualified for the cheap rate. We shared an upstairs bathroom with three other rooms. I had to remember to lock the second door on the far side of the bathroom when using it, and more importantly, remember to unlock it when exiting. Our room looked like it had been decorated some time in the eighties. The oxidized brass plaque on our door said the room had been furnished by the class of "1949." My good friend, Reuben Welch was class president in 1949, and I was born in 1949, so I felt good about our room. The walls were white with soft, blue and white flowered wallpaper on the lower halves of the walls. There was an odd, 3/4 size door which opened to an outdoor landing that led to a circular stairwell to the ground. The stairs were chained off, being unsafe for regular usage. This was one of the original buildings left from the days of Madam Tingley and her Theosophical Society in the early 1990's. They believed in reincarnation, and the circular stairs served as entrances and exits for the eagle/human forms as they made their way to and from the buildings. I did not see any eagle droppings on our landing, nor was I about to test the launch powers. We were sleeping in a king-sized bed with tall, wooden posts on the ends of the dark wooden headboard. A large and gaudy wreath of fake, pink roses and green plastic ivy hung from the wall above our headboard. It was mounted off-center, over where my wife was sleeping, so I decided to not worry about it falling on me. Really compassionate of me, huh? After 38 years of marriage, it got like this.

The Spud Gun

Allow me to explain. The spud gun fires potatoes (or anything else that will fit into the barrel and make a good seal) high into the air. That's all it does. And some days, you just need to do that...step out the back door and blow something away.

My spud gun uses compressed air, routed through a water sprinkler valve and powered by three 9-volt batteries.

Here is what you need: Go to Home Depot and get a 10-foot section of 2-inch PVC pipe; a 10-foot section of 1-inch PVC pipe; a Rainbird water sprinkler valve; 2, 2-inch PVC coupler fittings; 2, 2-inch PVC male fittings with 1-inch PVC female ends; and 3, 1-inch PVC female fittings with 3/4-inch, male threads. Also purchase a 2-inch PVC end-cap. While you are there, also get a roll of white, Teflon thread tape.

Buy two switches...push button switches are best. I went for "cheap" and used two regular home-style wall switches. Purchase one small can each of PVC primer and glue. From Radio Shack, buy a package of 9-volt battery connectors....five to a package, and three, 9-volt batteries. Purchase from a NAPA auto parts store one 1,1/2 inch long automotive, bolt-in, tire air valve stem.

Cut two, 2-inch pieces from the 1-inch PVC pipe to join the last two pieces mentioned (look at the photo).

For the barrel, cut the 2-inch PVC pipe to approx. three feet in length. Cut a second barrel slightly shorter for the air chamber. Drill the proper size hole in the end cap and bolt in the air stem. Using proper gluing technique, glue the end-cap to one end of the air chamber. Glue the reducer pieces to the ends of both, the air chamber and barrel.

Apply Teflon thread tape to the threads before screwing into the sprinkler valve. Wire three 9-volt battery connectors in series through two switches to the wires for the sprinkler. The second switch is for the sake of safety.

I made a wooden frame to surround the head of the sprinkling valve. The switches can be taped to this frame.

After gluing, it is very important to wait 24 hours before using. The joints can blow apart and cause serious injury if not fully cured.

With a round file, or grinder, file a bevel on the inside of the barrel to help with inserting said potato. Shove the potato all the way down. With bicycle pump, or suitable air source, inflate the air chamber to no more than 140 psi. Point it in a safe direction and activate the switches. The potato should fly approx 150 yards.

With the remaining 1-inch PVC pipe, glue the third 1-inch PVC fitting with 3/4-inch threads onto that pipe. I cut mine to approx. 6-feet in length. This second barrel is good for firing carrots, small potatoes, apples, or whatever else you can think of that will fit.

The solenoid in the water sprinkler valve operates on 20-volt, DC current but handles 27 volts fine.

A friend asked if "dog doo" from his neighbor's dog would work? I assured him it should make a nice impression on the side of his neighbor's garage. But don't forget...this is a dangerous device and not a toy.

These air cannons have been used as "confetti blowers" at celebrations and as launchers for paintballs. Another use was to launch an emergency Ham radio antenna into tree tops. With some imagination, many household items can be launched high into the sky.

Why?

Sometimes a guy just needs to step out back and blow something away.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Monday, 8/31/2009, 1:41 p.m.
A Columbia Falls resident witnessed a resident exit their vehicle and place an empty detergent bucket underneath a nearby mailbox. The reporting party evidently found this behavior highly unusual.

Monday, 8/31/2009, 7:27 p.m.
Someone in Coram noticed a pedestrian who looked suspiciously like a suspect in a recent rash of home break-ins. The concerned observer wanted to know if he could tase and handcuff the individual.

Monday, 8/31/2009, 10:44 p.m.
A resident on Birch Drive in Evergreen reported that an unfamiliar individual knocked on the door and invited himself into the home. The intoxicated individual evidently wanted to watch a television evangelist with the homeowner.

Leaving San Diego XVI

I drove my wife to work and returned to pack our things into the car. Once again, I was surprised when everything continued to fit. I had prepared my chocolate/oatmeal cookies and was finished with the round box of Quaker Oatmeal. My wife took the remainder to her classroom. It did not make for much more room, but every bit helped. Our hotel room was on the second floor this time, so I had to make at least ten trips up and down the 16 steps with a landing in the middle. I could not see the edges of the steps over the boxes I was carrying, so I felt for the concrete edges with my toes. I counted the steps each time. I grew up with a basement and knew the hazards of miscounting the steps. I don't roll as well these days. We decided to eat dinner at the hospital dining room since it was near. They were serving roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, roll and vanilla pudding (out of chocolate). We enjoyed our meal. While there, we discussed the possibility of spending a night in a hospital waiting room without anyone knowing we were not there for health issues? Not that we would really do such a thing. We were just wondering?? We might be cheap enough to camp out to save some bucks; and cheap enough to do our laundry in my wife's classroom; but cheap enough to camp in a hospital waiting room? I was sure we were not that cheap. Okay, I was pretty sure we were not that cheap. Well, maybe we were that cheap, but I would never admit to it (so don't ask).

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Friday, 8/28/2009, 6:29 a.m.
A local coffee shop was entered in the night through a cut screen window. The intruder left with a case of Red Bull and an unspecified number of blueberry muffins.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 11:16 a.m.
Two male transients have been lingering near a Hungry Horse convenience store for approximately four days. Employees of the store reported that the men tended to become belligerent when asked to leave.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 12:17 a.m.
A mailbox was assaulted by an individual with a firearm on Lakeshore Drive in Whitefish.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 3:27 p.m.
Someone delivered a very skinny cat to the local animal shelter.