Leaving San Diego XVIII

Our PLNU, Alumni House room was furnished with an eight-foot-wide dresser with drawers, and huge matching mirror above. On the left side, long, green plastic ivy was growing out of a blue-and-white porcelain vase. Two dark, wooden bedside tables were arranged around the room, all with thick glass slabs for protection. One supported a thirteen-inch, color TV. I sat here at night, watching real-life ER and the weather channel. Our ceiling was slanted towards the odd-shaped door on my side of the bed. The door looked like it was made for Dwarfs, with the lower portion shortened to fit the small-ish opening. The top half looked normal, but something had happened to this doors legs. We had slept here for two nights and I had hit my head on this lowered portion of ceiling at least five times. I just didn't see it. This must have been the life Gulliver lived in the land of the little people. We had one more week of living in limbo before visiting relatives in Illinois and Indiana. Every day was different, with no place to really call home. I read in my Bible that Abraham travelled like this. Eventually, we plan to make it to Montana...the suggested land. God did not promise the land to me...it was just a suggestion.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Tuesday, 9/1/2009, 10:19 a.m.
A "foreign" female subject sat suspiciously in her car in Hungry Horse, arousing the suspicions of a passing pedestrian. Although the reporting party could hardly understand her speech, it was eventually discovered the lady was merely eating her lunch.

Tuesday, 9-1-2009, 1:19 p.m.
A man brought his truck into a local auto repair shop, claiming that the last mechanic he visited had charged exorbitant fees. The man then went on to indicate that he had caused his previous mechanic grievous bodily harm. Authorities are investigating the credibility of his claim.

Tuesday, 9-1-2009, 2:20 p.m.
Someone called to report that a man on a bicycle repeatedly pulled out in front of cars near Echo Lake. The reporting party stated that the bicyclist must have "had a death wish."

Leaving San Diego XVII

This was our second night in the Alumni House on the campus of Point Loma Nazarene University. I finally graduated from here in 2003 with our daughter, so I qualified for the cheap rate. We shared an upstairs bathroom with three other rooms. I had to remember to lock the second door on the far side of the bathroom when using it, and more importantly, remember to unlock it when exiting. Our room looked like it had been decorated some time in the eighties. The oxidized brass plaque on our door said the room had been furnished by the class of "1949." My good friend, Reuben Welch was class president in 1949, and I was born in 1949, so I felt good about our room. The walls were white with soft, blue and white flowered wallpaper on the lower halves of the walls. There was an odd, 3/4 size door which opened to an outdoor landing that led to a circular stairwell to the ground. The stairs were chained off, being unsafe for regular usage. This was one of the original buildings left from the days of Madam Tingley and her Theosophical Society in the early 1990's. They believed in reincarnation, and the circular stairs served as entrances and exits for the eagle/human forms as they made their way to and from the buildings. I did not see any eagle droppings on our landing, nor was I about to test the launch powers. We were sleeping in a king-sized bed with tall, wooden posts on the ends of the dark wooden headboard. A large and gaudy wreath of fake, pink roses and green plastic ivy hung from the wall above our headboard. It was mounted off-center, over where my wife was sleeping, so I decided to not worry about it falling on me. Really compassionate of me, huh? After 38 years of marriage, it got like this.

The Spud Gun

Allow me to explain. The spud gun fires potatoes (or anything else that will fit into the barrel and make a good seal) high into the air. That's all it does. And some days, you just need to do that...step out the back door and blow something away.

My spud gun uses compressed air, routed through a water sprinkler valve and powered by three 9-volt batteries.

Here is what you need: Go to Home Depot and get a 10-foot section of 2-inch PVC pipe; a 10-foot section of 1-inch PVC pipe; a Rainbird water sprinkler valve; 2, 2-inch PVC coupler fittings; 2, 2-inch PVC male fittings with 1-inch PVC female ends; and 3, 1-inch PVC female fittings with 3/4-inch, male threads. Also purchase a 2-inch PVC end-cap. While you are there, also get a roll of white, Teflon thread tape.

Buy two switches...push button switches are best. I went for "cheap" and used two regular home-style wall switches. Purchase one small can each of PVC primer and glue. From Radio Shack, buy a package of 9-volt battery connectors....five to a package, and three, 9-volt batteries. Purchase from a NAPA auto parts store one 1,1/2 inch long automotive, bolt-in, tire air valve stem.

Cut two, 2-inch pieces from the 1-inch PVC pipe to join the last two pieces mentioned (look at the photo).

For the barrel, cut the 2-inch PVC pipe to approx. three feet in length. Cut a second barrel slightly shorter for the air chamber. Drill the proper size hole in the end cap and bolt in the air stem. Using proper gluing technique, glue the end-cap to one end of the air chamber. Glue the reducer pieces to the ends of both, the air chamber and barrel.

Apply Teflon thread tape to the threads before screwing into the sprinkler valve. Wire three 9-volt battery connectors in series through two switches to the wires for the sprinkler. The second switch is for the sake of safety.

I made a wooden frame to surround the head of the sprinkling valve. The switches can be taped to this frame.

After gluing, it is very important to wait 24 hours before using. The joints can blow apart and cause serious injury if not fully cured.

With a round file, or grinder, file a bevel on the inside of the barrel to help with inserting said potato. Shove the potato all the way down. With bicycle pump, or suitable air source, inflate the air chamber to no more than 140 psi. Point it in a safe direction and activate the switches. The potato should fly approx 150 yards.

With the remaining 1-inch PVC pipe, glue the third 1-inch PVC fitting with 3/4-inch threads onto that pipe. I cut mine to approx. 6-feet in length. This second barrel is good for firing carrots, small potatoes, apples, or whatever else you can think of that will fit.

The solenoid in the water sprinkler valve operates on 20-volt, DC current but handles 27 volts fine.

A friend asked if "dog doo" from his neighbor's dog would work? I assured him it should make a nice impression on the side of his neighbor's garage. But don't forget...this is a dangerous device and not a toy.

These air cannons have been used as "confetti blowers" at celebrations and as launchers for paintballs. Another use was to launch an emergency Ham radio antenna into tree tops. With some imagination, many household items can be launched high into the sky.

Why?

Sometimes a guy just needs to step out back and blow something away.

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Monday, 8/31/2009, 1:41 p.m.
A Columbia Falls resident witnessed a resident exit their vehicle and place an empty detergent bucket underneath a nearby mailbox. The reporting party evidently found this behavior highly unusual.

Monday, 8/31/2009, 7:27 p.m.
Someone in Coram noticed a pedestrian who looked suspiciously like a suspect in a recent rash of home break-ins. The concerned observer wanted to know if he could tase and handcuff the individual.

Monday, 8/31/2009, 10:44 p.m.
A resident on Birch Drive in Evergreen reported that an unfamiliar individual knocked on the door and invited himself into the home. The intoxicated individual evidently wanted to watch a television evangelist with the homeowner.

Leaving San Diego XVI

I drove my wife to work and returned to pack our things into the car. Once again, I was surprised when everything continued to fit. I had prepared my chocolate/oatmeal cookies and was finished with the round box of Quaker Oatmeal. My wife took the remainder to her classroom. It did not make for much more room, but every bit helped. Our hotel room was on the second floor this time, so I had to make at least ten trips up and down the 16 steps with a landing in the middle. I could not see the edges of the steps over the boxes I was carrying, so I felt for the concrete edges with my toes. I counted the steps each time. I grew up with a basement and knew the hazards of miscounting the steps. I don't roll as well these days. We decided to eat dinner at the hospital dining room since it was near. They were serving roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, roll and vanilla pudding (out of chocolate). We enjoyed our meal. While there, we discussed the possibility of spending a night in a hospital waiting room without anyone knowing we were not there for health issues? Not that we would really do such a thing. We were just wondering?? We might be cheap enough to camp out to save some bucks; and cheap enough to do our laundry in my wife's classroom; but cheap enough to camp in a hospital waiting room? I was sure we were not that cheap. Okay, I was pretty sure we were not that cheap. Well, maybe we were that cheap, but I would never admit to it (so don't ask).

Montana 9-1-1 Police Blotter

Friday, 8/28/2009, 6:29 a.m.
A local coffee shop was entered in the night through a cut screen window. The intruder left with a case of Red Bull and an unspecified number of blueberry muffins.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 11:16 a.m.
Two male transients have been lingering near a Hungry Horse convenience store for approximately four days. Employees of the store reported that the men tended to become belligerent when asked to leave.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 12:17 a.m.
A mailbox was assaulted by an individual with a firearm on Lakeshore Drive in Whitefish.

Friday, 8/28/2009, 3:27 p.m.
Someone delivered a very skinny cat to the local animal shelter.